Gone are the days when merely relatives and priests used to find out perfect match and in this modern era, newspapers and various matrimonial websites have taken up this job. They are no doubt of a great use but sometimes, we stumble upon such funny profiles that literally make us go ROFL!
In this article, we present 17 of the weirdest matrimonial profiles or ads that will give you a laugh riot!
1. “I am the son of my father & mother, become big in Patna, always laughing loudly at everyone, liking if ladies are on top and my pant is everyday open for you!” Wondering what this “gay” guy had in his mind while writing this 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
“Madam,
I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna. I am seeing ur advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on u and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.
I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so.
I am keep fitting everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.
I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.”
2. The girl’s land should be FERTILE, PRIVATE and should GIVE CALF ONCE A YEAR. WTF!
Hello, I am Manohar. We are from WELL DO FAMILY, having cattle and farming equipments. We are looking for a girl suitable girl she has lot of land, land should be fertile, should be private, should give calf once a year. She should not know computers, should be willing to cook twice a day with SMILE. I promise to take you for film for watching purposes. if interested you can contact me.
3. You can Poke Yashoda on Facebook if you want 😛
Hi, am Yashoda, I passed my marriageable age, I seek for the perfect match for me. The boy should be long in height, He can have long hairs also, but he should not have animals in house. Everything else is ok, north and west Indian please excuse me. If you are my man, I long for your partnership. I you want we can chat on facebook also, you can poke me if you want.
4. We have 2 accounts in private BANK; want a girl with an IQ of 80; front profiles only 😀
Namaste namaste, We seek a BRIDE for our son who is clean shaven, educated, very enterprising, handsome, he’s got a height of 5’10″ and he just turned 26 having trained abroad he manages his own business. We are high status affluent family with 2 bank accounts in private BANK and we are very liberal in our outlook. He seeks a life partner who is 21, minimum height 5’4″ and IQ of 80 and very modern outlook. If agreeable please send a recent profile with recent photograph and please send photos with front profiles only, please do not send side profiles and it is too inconvenient to judge girls beauty. Thank you.
5. Boy should strictly remember that he doesn’t call this girl PUMPKIN, HONEY, SUGAR, TEDDY, KITTY, DOLLY because she is neither a DESERT nor a toy.
“Hello Good morning, myself Ridhima and I am looking for a suitable groom, who will never call me any pet name. Boy should strictly remember that he don’t call me PUMPKIN, HONEY, SUGAR any other sweet name because I am not a desert. The boy should understand that I know calling me any pet name means forgetting me and giving me different personality. He should also keep in mind that comparing me with HER toy will not be tolerated. He should never call me TEDDY, KITTY, DOLLY because I am not going to play with him. Only interested MAILS(Males) can apply with resume.”
6. She should be slim with 7 figure salary, no dowry only some gifting items will do 😛
“Myself Sridhar, working in infosoft as assistant technician. I am good faring vegetarian, looking for a like minded girl, who’s profession is c++ and java. She should be slim with 7 figure salary, should must be issue less and must be from cultured family having no special demands should handle kitchen well should must visit holy shrine with me two times a year caste no bar, religion no bar, no dowry only some gifting items will do. If interested please mailing me.”
7. “I believe in Simple Living, High Thinking & want someone well-settled in Canada or America!” Simple? Really?
“I am very simple person. Simple living and high thinking is my funda. I want a person who is simple and well settle in Canada or America”
8. Alka has some Beauty Spots on her body and she is willing to show them to a man who speaks in English, lives in a metro and shaves regularly 😛
“Hello, my name is Alka from a nice family and also good characterized women. My friends and family say that I am quite beautiful and even my guruji says me that. I have a some beauty spots on my body and I wiling to show every thing to man who steals my heart. Am looking for a dashing man who can speak in English and living in a metro. He should be shaving regularly and ideally and he should be physically strong. So if interested please mail me a photo.”
9. Pay special attention to “girl specifications”! Ahem Ahem
“A quiet and social man My Mom and Dad is senior age we are living in JEDDAH K.S.A.
My father from Yemen and mother from Indian HYD.
I finished my bachelor degree in Hyderabad Osmania university i am working now in medial company cigalah.
So know 🙂
I choice to marry a Indian girl. BTW I speak Hindi, Arabic and English language very will.
I want the girl specifications as below :
1) Muslim
2) white skin color
3) love of family life
4) good at cooking
5) basket of innocence and love
6) care about others before herself
7) accept to live in Saudi Arabia, far from her family.
If these qualities are insiede u please send me invtation and i will contact u. Thanks”
10. Want a HERO!
“Only smart, highly educated, service class or super business men, metro city, hero required.”
11. Want a healthy woman who doesn’t have a Moustache and is at least 3 inches shorter. Don’t expect “Home Guarantee” or “Lifetime Security” from me.<?h4>
“I am XXXX. I love a good intellectual discussion and am a massive foodie. Love sports and socializing with people. I’m looking for a healthy woman atleast 3 inches shorter. Someone with a voluptious body.Someone with impeccable english. If you like buying ‘stuffs’ then we’re not the right fit. I like a woman that loves to take care of herself. Waxes. Doesn’t have a moustache. A life of her own and a healthy social life. A cheerful transparent positive person like myself. For me marriage isn’t hiring a cook that I don’t have to pay. Nor am I a ‘home guarantee’ / ‘providing life time security’ / ‘taking you abroad’ to look after you for the rest of your life. I like my space. Would love to talk!”
12. This honesty is actually required 😀
“My daughter has completed her graduation in B.A. English Hons. in 2006. She is down to earth kind of girl. She hates the word DOWRY very much. She is very frank, trustworthy, optimistic, caring, understandable, easygoing person. She respects elders and loves younger ones. After her Graduation she has completed her course in web designing. After that she did a job but later on she left it and started learning German lang. She is very much interested in learning new things or exploring herself. Currently she is learning Spanish language and working in an NGO as a teacher.
She is not so eager to do a job but if her mood permits then she will definitely do a job after marriage.She knows how to compromise in life but she hates joint family as she can’t fit in it.
Her motto in life is TO LIVE N LET LIVE and always be happy and keep happy other ppl’s around you.She loves travelling n interacting with people.
p.s – she prefers a life partner from New Delhi or gurgaon…..she got others choices too. And her partner must be well educated, independent, and totally settled in his life.”
13. Need a simple girl who does “homework”! Which homework is he talking about? Does he want her to rejoin school?
“i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state he is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework”
14. I’m Sowmya and I don’t have male 😛
“Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore if u like me u welcome to my heart… when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanks”
15. I’m not handsome but you should be beautiful, have a normal skin, neither black nor white….
“I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she’s skin colour ‘normal’not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.”
16. Craze of TV serials
“I want my wife to be like Parvati in Ghar Ghar ki Kahani or Tulasi of Kyo Ki Saas bi Kabhi Bahu ti.”
17. Expectation Vs What She Actually Deserves
“Preferences for Groom-
Should be earning a minimum of 1 million $
Should be settled in US or Aus (like resident or green card holder)
Should be living alone (not with family)
Should own a house, car, bike
Should not drink, smoke
Should be vegetarian
Now, these seem odd when you see the bride’s details-
From middle class family in India (Noida)
Finished B.Tech and working in IT company
Annual Income 2.5L p.a.
Doesn’t own House, car, bike/scooter
Drinks and smokes
Vegetarian”
Really weird and funny, aren’t they? Do share your views about these profiles in the comments section below.