I show myself as a bold woman from outside but somewhere inside, I am broken and the whole credit goes to the man for whom I left my surname, home, parents and everything. But he didn’t take a second to throw me out of his life as if I never existed for him and that too for a petty reason after which he has lost all respect and love that I had in my heart for him.
I don’t want to reveal my identity for obvious reasons and here I am going to narrate a horrifying tale of my life which makes me shiver even today after so many years. It was spring time and everything looked beautiful, not just because of pleasant weather but also for the reason that my wedding was fixed. He was highly educated and employed on a good post in an MNC. All my family members found him too Sanskaari as he touched their feet and talked nicely to them when he came to our home for the first time to see me.
He was the man whom no one could reject and I also gave my consent, thinking how lucky I was to get a perfect life partner like him. He also found no reason to reject me and finally we got engaged after a week.
Marriage was scheduled to take place after two months as there was no auspicious date (shubh muhurt) for the next eight months. Time was less and a lot of preparations were to be made. There would be hardly any girl who doesn’t love shopping and I was damn excited as I was going for shopping daily. From picking my favourite lehenga to booking parlour for bridal makeup, I loved the whole lot. Purchasing matching accessories and bangles with every outfit and the glittering diamond jewelry set excited me to the core. In short, this period between engagement and marriage was no less than a dream life for me and I was enjoying every bit of it.
At last the big day of wedding came! I was looking like an angel from the heaven in the elegant red lehenga and he couldn’t take his eyes off me as I went to the set where Jaimala ceremony was scheduled to take place. If you know about this ceremony, it’s little amusing as when bride tries to make groom wear the garland, his friends and relatives lift him in the air to make it difficult for the bride and vice-versa.
Finally we got wed following all the rituals and customs and then came the moment for which every couple waits anxiously. Yes, it’s the first night!
Mere thought of it had been tickling me ever since our engagement and even I didn’t know how many times I had experienced a lightening of excitement mixed with blush thrilling me from inside when I imagined him touching me for the first time.
I was waiting for him in our bedroom which had a nice floral decoration and red rose petals were adding grace to white bed sheet. Did I say white bed sheet? Was it used purposely just to determine whether I was a virgin or not?
Well, I was in a fantasy land at that time and couldn’t think this much because I wanted to live each beautiful moment of this night which would never come again in my life. And now after that horrifying incident, I wish that it had never come.
I was dreaming about him with open eyes and just then he came. I had the first sex of my life and it was indeed painful but there was a pleasure in that pain too.
After the intercourse, I went to washroom and when I came back, I saw bed sheet in his hands. He was looking for something in anger but I couldn’t understand. He yelled at me and said that I deceived him. I still didn’t get anything and then what he said trembled my soul,
“There’s no blood stain in the bed sheet which proves that you are not a virgin and you have already given my right to some other man. You have no place in my life now and like this bed sheet which is telling the saga of your betrayal, your life is going to be colourless as I am giving you divorce.”
I was so shocked after getting to know his narrow-mindedness that I couldn’t utter a word. I was broken and could see my world shattering in front of my eyes, the world which appeared to be filled with colours of romance and love few hours ago. I managed myself and tried to say something but he didn’t give me a chance to speak. I cried ocean of tears and although I imagined my life to change after marriage, I never knew it will change to such an extent that it will snatch smile from my face forever.
I returned to my home and got divorced after some time. He got married to some other woman but now there’s no place for any man in my life. That terrifying incident is very much alive in my mind and my nights are still sleepless as frightening memories of my first sex haunt me even today.
Even Science has claimed that a woman might not bleed on her first night and there might be many reasons for it other than sex before marriage. But you can’t change some people’s mentality and the sad irony is that even though we claim to be developed, we have not developed at all.
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